Monday, March 2

For my Tulsa friends

I love Tulsa and lots of the people in it. I miss it.


Rules for Driving in Tulsa , Oklahoma

If your Tulsa map is more than a few weeks old,
throw it out and buy a new one. If you're in Broken
Arrow where one street has three names...such as Lynn Lane
aka, 177th E. Ave and 9th St ...... and your map is one day
old, it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Tulsa has its own version of traffic rules.

All directions start with 'Get on Memorial'
which has no beginning and no end. Everything in Tulsa is
'just off Memorial.'

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening
rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts
Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear ended, and possibly shot. When you are the first one on
the starting line, count to five when the light turns green
before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running
the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on I-44 is a way of life and a
permanent form of entertainment.

All unexpected or strange sights are explained by
the phrase, 'Oh, we're in Jenks.'

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is
probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the
right of way. PERIOD.

I-44 is called the Skelly Bypass. No one has ever
figured out what it
bypasses... State Highway 51 is either the Broken
Arrow Expressway or the
Keystone Expressway, depending on which way
you're headed. US64 comes
up Memorial from Bixby, joins 169 for a few miles,
and then heads west
with SH 51 towards Sand Springs. Several highways
like the Creek
Turnpike have no number. We don't understand it
either.

Maps of Tulsa show an Interstate 444 in downtown
Tulsa . If you find it, let us know. The alleged I-444 is
half of the inner-dispersal loop, which is not for the faint
of heart.

Highway 169 in rush hour is the Tulsa equivalent of
NASCAR.. Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

If asking directions along North Utica or in west
Tulsa , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If you're on
East 21st Street , Mandarin Chinese or Vietnamese will be
your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Pine or
Peoria , you better be armed.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Broken Arrow
Expressway is 85.
Anything less is considered downright sissy.

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next
weekend. If it's 10 degrees and snowing, it's
homecoming at TU. If it's rained 6 inches in the last
hour, and it is spring, it's opening day for the
Drillers. If it is fall, the Tulsa State Fair is going on.

All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks,
airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from
EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on
grassy areas.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready
to drive in Tulsa .
Please try and keep up.

3 comments:

Flea said...

Bwahaha! Oh heck YEAH. Yet, I love driving in Tulsa. :) It's so much less stressful than other cities.

You forgot the rule about letting people into traffic. Tulsa has the most polite drivers I've ever experienced.

And, believe it or not, I actually live just off of Memorial. Really.

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FerLee said...

That was hilarious...I will Facebook note it!!!

I, too, live just off of Memorial...about a mile off actually. I also work just off Memorial...about a mile off actually!!!